I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he thought i was a dude.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
