Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
