well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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