Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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