So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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