I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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