I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My penis needs a shock collar
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
