I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
