It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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