i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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