is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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