Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
