Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
4 words: hood of his car
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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