My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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