Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
