dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
