Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my poor anus
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize