the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
