idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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