dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
