Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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