well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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