Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bring me that man meat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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