he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize