I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
