already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
