oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
