Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
