Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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