how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
