I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
