So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
