You're completely useless in the revolution.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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