I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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