And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
