moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
