he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
