I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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