I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
