Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
