CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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