we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
