You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
