I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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