3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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