how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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