my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When are your genitals available?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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