i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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