Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
