He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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