we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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