my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
