She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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