Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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