So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
