READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
