CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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