sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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