Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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