How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
