forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
