At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
