No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
