i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
