had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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