the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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