My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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