Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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