My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
