Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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